Answer is yes!

you never took risks no?

you live like a flow no?

you never cared too much about others no?

you never showed any interest in humanity no?

you believed everything is a lie no?

you took no time to realize your flaws no?

you acted the whole life no?

you were such a disappointment no?
you proved there's nothing like trust no?
you are just a fucked up example of nothing no?

മഴ

അവസാനികാത്ത ആഗ്രഹങ്ങളുടെ കണ്ണീര്,
അതാണ് മഴ .
ഇതു ഒരികളും അവസനികരുതെ 
എന്നാണ് ഞാന്‍ ഇപോള്‍ പ്രാര്‍തികുന്നത്. 
പറയാന്‍ മടികുന്നതിന്റെ അന്ത്യം ആണ് ഈ മഴ.
വേദനയുടെ അവസാനം. 

ഇന്നിയും ഒന്നും മറയ്ക്കാതെ ഈ മഴ പെയ്യണം
മനസ്സിനെ താങ്ങുന്ന തണുപ്പായി
ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ അവസാനം വരെ.
ആരോ പറഞ്ഞു കൊണ്ടിരുന്ന
 ഒരു കഥയുടെ ബാക്കി പോലെ....

The worst part of me

After the school Life, I thought the rotten chip in this get-up-and-go life may be because of missing those close friends. That made me drift away from another scrap of life. 

I, once, was a person who loved his friends with all his heart. Now it has changed. I lost the prime in me. In fact I lost the best friend in me. College spoiled the prime, and if you ask me what's the bad time you ever had, without any doubt I'll point my college days.

I didn't hate my college at first. Spite started after a couple of months. I don't know how to defend this lack of interest. At first, it seems like an awkward feeling and then it mutated into frustration, and at last it matured into anger. You know, the anger that makes you hate the whole ball of wax and the fruit that makes you suffer.

Yes, I"m suffering because I missed the whole show, just to call myself idle. Now I've lost, the respect for everything and everyone, and my feelings. Now I feel the take back road reflex and withdrawn thoughts are filled within myself. I really don't have the right to be loud to others. That's why I throw away the time to screed to myself, a silent sooth. I realized that I'm the only person who understands me other than ignorance. 

Ignorance is the word I love to use now, for the impeccable life I'm living.

Reminding Myself :)

Designed to live for the reality,

opted to live for the dreams.

Trusted the early callings,

believed the unexpected.

too late to learn everything is strange.

 Wondering is the nature,

but wandering is the attitude.

Everything was a flow in the beginning,

but the flow somehow dried up,

leaving too many sorrows.

 All the mistakes were the same,

but moving on wasn't easy.

Followed loneliness for a better part,

longed for an insane world,

impure turned into pure. 

I'll believe, like I believed before.

someday I'll see you with the same amount of tears you gifted. 

Someday I'll see you with the same voice I talked with you.

Someday you'll beg like I begged for you. 

Someday you will start hating yourself like I done to myself. 

And one day, you will know how much I loved you. 

But still you will fail to understand me ,

you'll fail to learn from your mistakes,

and you'll fail to regret.

These are just my hopes. 

I know any of the above things are not going to happen.

But I'll believe, like I believed before.